There is a deep part of me that only surfaces when someone, (this time a student) asks me things like... "Did you do what you wanted to do with your life?" Surprisingly, the answer is... no. I wanted to do theater or perform or be in speaking of some kind. I have done some of that and I loved it. My parents thought that it was too risky so they recommended that I become a teacher because I was interested in art. They said it would be a good life for a woman who wanted to raise a family. Because I respected my parents and because in that time, teaching was one of the only options for a woman, I did as they suggested. Does that mean that my life was a waste or that I am not happy in what I am doing? That answer is also, no.
God has obviously blessed what I am doing, my art programs have been strong, my students win a lot of awards at contests and I get messages from former students that I have influenced their life choices and inspired them. I am always deeply touched by that. It feels like a thumbs up from God. I am in a position where I can be His hands and feet and I am happy to be used in that way.
I love my kids. I spend a lot of hours with them and we develop a rapport over time. I like the enthusiasm and youth that I soak up from them. It gives me an opportunity to keep up and stay current to some extent. I am flattered when they want to have their pictures taken with me. When they ask my personal advice, it makes what I do seem more significant. But, I need to be prepared. I need to be able to speak out wisdom....that only comes from a relationship and a long walk with the Lord. I need to be praying that He will bind my tongue unless it is of Him...which should leave me speechless 80% of the time.
For the record, I have a deep and abiding love for the Lord and for my crucial people and of course that gives me my greatest fulfillment. I still long for the "goosebump" things. For me, there is something transcendent about being in or going to a play, listening to live music or attending performances of about any kind. There are times when I am so moved that I don't even have words to express it. When I am the one speaking or performing, I have the satisfaction of thinking that I may have touched someone and given them that same indescribable feeling. That is the stuff of my dreams.